Star-Struck: Howard Keel

Ladies man and leading man, if there is one person that is a perfect example of old-school Hollywood charm, it is the legendary Howard Keel.  From his dead-sexy voice to unmistakable swagger and unbridled charisma, he was the ultimate showman.  I cannot think of anyone who gave more magnetic performances, and despite his tendency to play the douche, he compelled leading ladies and audiences alike to love him more than they could be enraged.  I'll run reviews of the cream of his musicals, working my way up to what I think is the best:

4.  Kiss Me Kate
3.  Calamity Jane
2.  Showboat
1.  Seven Brides for Seven Brothers

The original guyliner- more please!

The Disney Derring-Do: Pinocchio

Flying Without Strings

Walt was hardly a person to rest on his laurels- as soon as he emerged triumphant from the Snow White gamble, the wheels were clicking for his next big risk. This would be even more ambitious, more spectacular, more beautiful. And Pinocchio certainly was- excepting only Sleeping Beauty and Fantasia, Pinocchio is the most artistically impressive film to come out of the Disney studios. And it was only number 2! Buuuut all the care and money poured into this film didn't pan out on the initial release. Ole Pinoch was the first of 2 box office bombs in 1940 for Disney.


For the majority of my childhood, I fell in with the crowd at Pinocchio's premier. The story, though not as bizarrely European in cruelty, darkness and an episodic nature as the source, is radically different from the most successful, and my favourite, of Disney films (namely those involving princesses). The title character is so terribly grating and naive, his innocence is more infantile than guileless. Fortunately, his wooden (can't resist) personality is overpowered by every other character in the film. Even the silent characters like Figaro and Gideon (save for one hiccup, courtesy of the great Mel Blanc) were forces of personality and pantomime. Though not the movie's namesake, I feel Jiminy Cricket is the true protagonist of the film. His lines are the first and last, and I am convinced the only reason we give a crap that Pinocchio doesn't end our misery as firewood is because Jiminy wills it otherwise. Despite the charisma of our hero, the film really belongs to the villains- a series of baddies who permeate every fiber of the movie. The weakest are the silliest: Honest John and Gideon, though slickly effective, cannot stain our memories with terror in the way Monstro and the Coachman do. Monstro, an unbridled force of mass and fury is unleashed on the screen in a scene of animated splendor. However, though not the adrenaline rush, the true terror of the film is the Coachman at Pleasure Island- a man who wants more than your life, he wants your humanity. It's more than your follies making a jackass out of you, it is you are going to die alone, unhuman and without your mommy! Harsh, and highly traumatizing for kids, heck, highly traumatizing for adults.


The only character complaint: here starts the tradition of talking animals that will mire the most illustrious of movies. As you will soon know all too well, my biggest peeve is the no-no line of believable interaction between humans and animals. Sure, a person can talk to animals, make believing the interaction indicates an understanding, but I hate hate hate animals holding conversations with people. Now, Pinocchio hedges against the rule very well, Pinocchio is obviously not a human, he is magical and only when he is in that state does he talk to other impossible objects, and no humans interact with talking objects besides Pinnoch. Though I cannot fault the film, I do bear it a slight grudge for opening the door for the tradition.


But back to a happier note: the songs. When You Wish Upon a Star- the Disney banner song- makes its debut here. Nowhere is it more poignant and beautiful that when sung here by Cliff Edwards. Give a Little Whistle is good too, and the rest kinda peters off from there, though none are offensive to the ear and I've Got No Strings is certainly catchy.


It's really impressive how much the animation improved since Snow White in only 3 years. Gepetto is convincing in a way the Prince could never have hoped to be. Figaro is wonderfully catty, and in Cleo I see the kind of work being done in Fantasia. Jiminy looks nothing like a cricket to me, but he is so much more relatable as a cute nondescript creature than an ugly cricket-thing. The pantomime started in Dopey is continued in Gideon, perhaps not as iconically, and Pinocchio himself makes up for all his flaws when he talks by moving so amazingly well. However, we all know the animation scene stealer is Monstro, the impossibly large, immeasurably fearsome whale. Moby Dick himself would turn tail from this concoction of mass and churning lines.


The backgrounds, done in oils as would become tradition, were wonderfully beautiful. Perhaps not as storybooky as the watercolors of Snow White, but so beautifully rendered, it seems more art than animation. A moment here to gush over the underwater sequences, where they took rippled glass and moved it in front of the camera to achieve the blurry effect. That is innovation and that is what makes Disney king.


So all in all, yeah Pinocchio has all the elements of a good film, even a borderline great film. But this one in particular seems so geared towards children, little boys in particular with the titular protagonist and his childish (not childlike- big difference) adventures, there is not as much fodder for adults to appreciate, unless they are into getting completely creeped out by evil donkey-magic, or the even more unlikely case they are as nuts about backgrounds as I am. I always find it entertaining and will bring it out when kids come around without protest, but as for myself, there are others that strike a more comforting chord.




Quote of the film:


-They never come back as BOYS!


My Rating: 
7/10 *******

The Disney Derring-Do: Snow White

More Than Your Ordinary Icon

First things first, a little background: Walt was the quintessential self-made man, having taught himself art and learning animation before striking out on his own. Even before the "folly" that became the standard, he had taken huge gambles on Mickey and the lesser known Oswald Rabbit. Drama was at the center of every venture he created, and if the results are any indication, he thrived on it. By the time the 30's came around, he had his sights set on the impossible: a full length feature showcasing a story he had obsessed over since his youth: Snow White. It was a risk and a flurry of unprecedented innovation, but what happened next... well that's history.

Even though Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs is touted as a spectacular achievement and such, it has kind of a bad rap when it comes to sitting down to actually watching it. For this review, I sat down and thought about all the times I've referenced SWSD or quoted what it represented, but could barely recall the last time I had seen it, or even wanted to. Unlike Walt's vision of animation as an art, a means of elevating your experience, animation has over time been downgraded to the slums of "kiddie" entertainment- forsaking simplicity for stupidity and universal chords for easy laughs. Do we feel deep inside that SWSD deserves this reassignment to lame cinematic scraps we feed to children, because everyone knows kids will watch anything? No. But do we buy into the mentality like it's going out of style- oh baby yeah! And that really is a shame.

As a piece of history, of course this movie is unparalleled. Everyone knows all the achievements and advancements that came from it. I will give my undying gratitude to Snow White for starting the undisputed greatest tradition in film history.  And honestly, for turning 70 this year, the old dame's held up pretty well. No, it has never been my favourite Disney fairy tale, but it has far more merits than detriments.

OK, OK the titular character is about as flat as the paper she's drawn on , gratingly dense, and there's no accounting for taste when choosing the voice (It feels like they were honestly going for 12 years old, which just disturbs contemporary audiences). And the animators definitely showed their weakness when it came to the prince, HOWEVER, the rest is superb. The watercolor backgrounds are lush and vibrant in a way that few movies could hope to imitate. The wonderful animation, voice work and characterization of the dwarfs more than make up for anything in the forgettable 2 minutes the prince is on screen. So much care and individual quirks are put into the dwarfs. I put my old VHS copy in not too long ago and was completely taken back by how funny some of their stuff is. I was not expecting it to retain that much entertainment value, nor be so rife with dramatic tension. The forest and anything involving the Queen are genuinely terrifying- the first of many outrageously amazing lady baddies to totally steal the show. Many scenes I could not endure when I was little without throwing back my head and howling. The whole story is well done- taking a page or so of root text and expanding it to a feature film without ever dragging.

**Editors Note**  Ack!  I realized I forgot to talk about the most maddening tradition in all of Disney!!  I did a lot of my grumbling in Pinocchio, but boo on me, it actually started here and I am a doofus.  So here we have a princess.  And since princesses are these amazing magical creatures, they must have amazing magical talents.  Forget the pea, everyone knows a princess on the spot by her instinctual ability to commune with the fuzzywuzzy animal kingdom.  They may not always do something as deadly to your suspension of disbelief as talk, but they sure as heck are operating on a deeper level than reality indicates.  My platinum whatever copy of Sleeping Beauty actually tells me this is a requirement in one of the pop-up commentaries.  Anyways, say what you will, but talking animals bother me, so anything that contributes to their progression will irk me, and that is that.  *I had considered properly putting this at the end, but it seemed too cruel to end this review on that note*

The songs, by Frank Churchill and Larry Morey- who doesn't know them? Who hasn't learned to whistle to the tune Hi-Ho or danced with a broom to Whistle While You Work. Okay, somebody must have besides me. Adriana Caselotti's voice may not match our tastes today, but it's so instantly recognizable, it's synonymous with the film and I wouldn't change it if I had the choice.

So all in all, we all know SWSD is a historical piece of blah blah blah, but I think we've forgotten that beyond that, it really is a good movie. Like what they say about good wines, it only gets better with age.

Quote of the Film:

-I said, 'how do you do?'

-How do you do what?

My Rating:

9/10 *********

The Disney Derring-Do: A Preview

I love Disney with all that is in my being. Every fiber of me believes it is the place where dreams come true. No, I'm not talking about Disney World, I am in fact referring to the animation studios, a magical land that captures the imagination frame by frame. Yeah, I know the happy surface is but a thin veneer stretched over decades of ups, downs, takeovers, walk-outs, bankruptcy and drama, *DRAMA!*, but that only makes it all the more real and fascinating. And with the much-anticipated 50th feature coming fast down the pike, what better time than now to indulge in the history most fascinating that began with a man and his mouse? Actually, scratch that- we're gonna jump ahead to the moment Disney burst onto the big scene with something those in 1938 would have heard often: a man and his folly.

Oh, the folly!

There's No Business Like Show Business

Here I am, part nerd, part artist, a dash of drama, a pinch of cinematic snobbery and a huge helping of "cheese me, please!" I lay no claims to training in the film arts nor hold any pretensions to know how to critique movies any better than any other schmuck- I just love movies in the way that very few people should and am more than eager to put my opinion out there.

Let's go to the movies...